feeling stuck?
It’s National Mental Health Awareness Month and today I’m talking about (and to) MEN!
Have you ever noticed how life comes in waves? My last 10 clients in a row have been men – mostly middle aged (40 – 60), from different countries and various backgrounds.
As a therapist who has really only ever worked with women and younger people, this has been an eye-opening experience.
The common ‘presenting problem’ has been procrastination; lack of motivation; feeling stuck.
Most are entrepreneurial and doing well, but feel there is some kind of ‘glass ceiling’ preventing them from really achieving; fulfilling their true potential; properly ‘thriving’ (my favourite word!).
And as we go back to the root cause, every one – without exception – has felt deep pain and sadness as a child…
One of the most gut-punching examples was my client yesterday who, at the age of 2, felt an overwhelming sense of desperation and helplessness watching his parents fighting and screaming and not being able to help.
What does a 2 year-old conclude in that situation?
“I must be a failure.”
NEVER under-estimate what kids make of situations, especially those who are more sensitive in nature (another theme over the past wonderful few weeks).
But the magic happens when you look back with adult eyes. Anyone can see that no 2 year-old is meant to ‘fix’ ANY problem – let alone one like that.
And as the client makes the connection between those childhood beliefs and where they’re at now, then the emotions rush in; the compassion for that little boy; the realisation and awareness… and then (God, I love RTT) the healing.
As they fight to hold back the tears (remember, big boys don’t cry!), I tell them to let it go! Allow themselves to FULLY feel that sadness, that pain, that injustice – so they can heal. And when they do, you can watch as the tension eases from their bodies and their faces, and it ‘gets me’ every time.
As Marisa always says, “You can’t heal what you don’t feel”. Yet our society has been incredible hard on men (certainly historically, I think we’re beginning to wake up and make improvements, finally), forcing them to stuff their emotions down and stand strong and stoic.
We all bury our emotions deep within us for whatever reason was imposed on us as a child. But as we get older, they rise up to the surface, wanting attention. That can show up as procrastination, lack of motivation, deference, untapped potential – in all aspects of our lives.
But there is a way through, and it doesn’t take years of therapy! For more information, feel free to DM me at any time.
#motivation #help #procrastination #RTT #men #success #mentalhealthawareness